Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
