I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
