I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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