My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
