yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
