He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
