Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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