How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
