Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
