Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
