Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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