i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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