She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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