you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
