So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
