I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
