Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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