i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
