My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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