Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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