a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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