her vagine was all disorganized.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I could make wine with my vomit
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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