i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You may now shotgun with the bride
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
