i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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