please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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