I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
