Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
