Kiss
Puke
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
