I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
