Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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