i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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