My hand turned me down
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
