why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
