"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
