I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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