I faked an abortion last night.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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