Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
