I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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