All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
