Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
