I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
