Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
only if we run a train.
done.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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