What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
