I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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