Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
