real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Quick, to the slutcave!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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