Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
