did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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