Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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