she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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