Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
