Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
