dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
