i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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