i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
