Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
