just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
