I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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