my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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