All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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