Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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