made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize