??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
