i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
