Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
