Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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