My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
