I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
