new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
