im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
