It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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