I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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