She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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