I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
