cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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