if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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