I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
