you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Randomize
