Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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