Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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