i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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