Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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