she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
