If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
