You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
